Friday, April 8, 2011

Notewordy

Where did the week go? I blinked and it’s Friday. Just as basketball season ended, volleyball has started along with the school-year wind down; lots of projects at work and home. Keeping busy is a blessing because it’s a sign that your body and mind are healthy, working and agile.


Now back to my love of words and the yearly Mensa contest where readers were asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. I guess you could say I find these “notewordy.” My definition of notewordy (adj.) is, significant words worth mentioning. I am amazed at how creative the human mind can be! I am sure these will give you a smile. Here are my favorite winners:

Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Ha!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Wordsmith Winners

Mensa is a high IQ society that provides a forum for intellectual exchange among its members. There are members in more than 100 countries around the world. Membership of Mensa is open to persons who have attained a score within the upper two percent of the general population on an approved intelligence test that has been properly administered and supervised.

I am soooo not a member.However, I am a lover of words. Every year the Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational asks readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are my personal favorite winners:
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops  bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows  little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its  yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings  for common words.

We will get to those next time.